The Practical Side of Grief: Why It’s So Overwhelming (And How to Make It Easier)

Grief is hard enough on its own. But when someone dies, we’re often hit with something no one really prepares us for: the admin.

Phone calls. Paperwork. Passwords. Arrangements. Appointments. Forms.

It’s relentless — and weirdly invisible. From the outside, it just looks like you’re keeping busy. But on the inside, it can feel like your brain is full of cotton wool and checklists and tears all at once.

Why it feels so hard

1. You’re grieving. You’re not just “sorting things out.” You’re grieving. Your energy is low, your focus is scattered, your emotions are all over the place. You’re being asked to stay on top of complex tasks at a time when your nervous system is in freefall.

2. It’s unfamiliar. Most people have never dealt with probate, estate accounts, or closing someone else’s bank account. There’s no training. You’re expected to figure it out as you go.

3. It’s a lot of small, important things. Each task on its own might seem manageable. But the sheer number of them — and the fact that many are emotionally charged — adds up quickly.

4. Everyone has questions. Family members may be looking to you for answers. That’s a lot of emotional labour, especially when you’re not sure yourself.

5. It’s time-sensitive, but slow. Some things have urgent deadlines. Others take weeks to move forward. You’re stuck in a strange mix of pressure and waiting.

How to make it easier

There’s no magic fix — but there are ways to make the admin a little more manageable, especially if you're navigating it after a loss.

1. Write everything down. Whether it’s a notebook, a google doc or our spreadsheet, keep track of what needs doing, what’s been done, and who’s handling what. Your future self will thank you.

2. Focus on one task at a time. Pick one thing — just one — and do that. Then stop. Don’t try to tackle it all in one go. You’re not a machine.

3. Share the load. If you can, divide up tasks between family or friends. Even asking someone to help with phone calls or paperwork can make a huge difference.

4. Use tools that help, not stress you out. You don’t need complicated software. You just need something that’s clear, easy to update, and preferably shareable. That’s one reason I made a spreadsheet — to help people stay organised when their brain is in a fog.

5. Be kind to yourself. It’s okay if you miss a deadline. It’s okay if you forget something. This is a hard thing you’re doing, and you’re doing the best you can.

If you’re planning ahead

If you’re the sort of person who wants to make things easier for your loved ones in future — thank you. That’s a deeply generous thing to do.

The more you can leave behind — documents, notes, instructions, a list of accounts — the less your family will have to piece together later. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to exist.

A final thought

If the admin side of grief feels overwhelming, it’s not because you’re doing it wrong. It’s because it is overwhelming.

But you’re not alone. And there are ways to make it a little lighter.